tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4578620565059252489.post2936796630198246994..comments2023-10-23T12:29:24.011-07:00Comments on Karyn's Writing Log: Excerpt Chapter TwoAlpha-Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07957118438477333501noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4578620565059252489.post-35648019136184815732010-04-19T08:06:29.348-07:002010-04-19T08:06:29.348-07:00@Kate - Thanks for the crits! I am getting that co...@Kate - Thanks for the crits! I am getting that comment from multiple sources about varying my sentence rhythm. Something I'll definitely have to keep in mind. <br /><br />I'm not sure why I hate this so much, and I suspect that's part of the problem with my current block. The hating must be masking something else, some other internal drama. <br /><br />@Cari -- you're right! Do as I say and all that. Darn. Hate getting called out on my own advice. LOL.Alpha-Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07957118438477333501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4578620565059252489.post-29736861877282570082010-04-18T13:18:49.758-07:002010-04-18T13:18:49.758-07:00Karyn, if it's bothering you that much, the be...Karyn, if it's bothering you that much, the best thing to do IS move on and go back to it later with a clearer head. Seems to me you've dished out that exact same advice before. :)Cari Galeziewskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03758859316270532759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4578620565059252489.post-2145964909210146172010-04-18T07:26:53.586-07:002010-04-18T07:26:53.586-07:00Hadley here, feeding the Hamster. Hi to Billy too....Hadley here, feeding the Hamster. Hi to Billy too.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07052840844184768956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4578620565059252489.post-83971104777370042032010-04-18T07:19:14.282-07:002010-04-18T07:19:14.282-07:00Karyn, why do you dislike this bit so much?
The...Karyn, why do you dislike this bit so much? <br /> <br />The positive is, it reads easily, conveys a clear message/picture of Mist's position in the world and what banquet day for her looks like, and "moves the ball forward" (trouble is going to find her).<br /><br />That said, the rhythm (?) of the paragraphs feels a little too much the same in each paragraph. Short declarative sentence (sds), sds, sds, sds. For me, this ultimately erodes depth.<br /><br />I'm not sure about "glared miserably". You feel miserable and glare at X.<br /><br />Don't dislike your chapter--I want to know what trouble finds Mist and why she is in the situation she is.KatieJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02911581054335494138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4578620565059252489.post-12427292648908323592010-04-18T07:16:18.020-07:002010-04-18T07:16:18.020-07:00Yes, good to see the Lula's Bunch on my follow...Yes, good to see the Lula's Bunch on my follow list, Megan! Hopefully now that I've posted this hot mess, it will lose power over me and I can get on with the writing.<br /><br />@Cris: I'm not sure what genre it is. I keep thinking it's just straight fantasy, but the protagonists are a teen and a kid, so... but in my mind it's more like following the MC of the Mercedes Lackey books or Garion in Eddings work. I guess I won't worry about it until I finish it and see what I have.Alpha-Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07957118438477333501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4578620565059252489.post-46291656262813874112010-04-17T21:24:49.398-07:002010-04-17T21:24:49.398-07:00Is this a YA novel, Karyn? I think it's aweso...Is this a YA novel, Karyn? I think it's awesome you're posting this bit; whatever purges the demons and pushes you forward is totally full of win. Write on!CGriffinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03011652075709337851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4578620565059252489.post-55846863427925859902010-04-17T16:20:31.850-07:002010-04-17T16:20:31.850-07:00Karyn, I love the brave move on your part. I may t...Karyn, I love the brave move on your part. I may try to post a bit of one of mine too.<br /><br />Also I can't help but notice your followers are growing. Very impressive.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07052840844184768956noreply@blogger.com